How to Find a Great Therapist - 5 Things to Keep in Mind

As a therapist who’s also been on the client side of the couch, I’ve experienced firsthand how daunting it can be to find the right fit. You’re not just looking for someone with the right credentials or a nice office; you’re searching for a collaborator to guide you through some of life’s most challenging moments. If you’re like me, you may have just gone into the first session thinking “I’ll just see how this goes and follow my gut.” Instincts are important, but there are some specific ways to screen for a great therapist — someone who isn’t only pleasant to be around, but also effective in what they do. Here are 5 things to ask yourself when sitting down for a first session. 

1. Do You Vibe with Them?

First impressions matter—even in therapy. Within the first few minutes of meeting a potential therapist, ask yourself: Do I feel comfortable with this person? Do they seem open, approachable, and genuinely interested in getting to know me? 

Therapy is deeply personal, and you need someone who feels safe to open up to. This isn’t to say that any jitters or nervousness is a red flag. First sessions might have moments of trepidation no matter the therapist, but paying attention to how therapist is showing up and attuning to you is very important. If you feel like the therapist is trying to jump straight into “fixing” you without truly understanding who you are, that could be a signal to keep looking. Your gut feeling in those initial moments often says a lot about whether the relationship will work for the long term.

2. Do They Let You Talk?

Therapists have spent years studying human behavior, emotions, and mental health. Their brains are full of tools, techniques, and strategies. When you mention anxiety, depression, or relationship struggles, they might immediately pull up a mental Rolodex of interventions and solutions. But here’s the thing: therapy isn’t about hearing a lecture on psychology. It’s about excavating and attuning to the deepest parts of you - something that can’t be read in a book. 

If your therapist is doing all the talking—firing off statistics, doling out advice, or explaining concepts without pausing to understand your story—they’re missing the point. You’re not a problem to be solved; you’re a person. A whole, complex individual with unique experiences and a host of other supporting characters and events that have culminated in the person you are today. A good therapist will be interested in the totality of your story and background, and they will know when to speak and when to listen.

3. Do They Guide the Conversation?

On the flip side, some therapists take a hands-off approach, letting you vent endlessly without offering much direction. While it might feel good to unload your thoughts, therapy needs structure to be effective. A skilled therapist strikes a balance between listening and guiding. They help you explore your thoughts and emotions while keeping an eye on your goals from a macro lens.

Therapy is a big investment—of time, money, and emotional energy. You deserve to feel like you’re making progress. This isn’t to say that venting has no place in therapy – sometimes I’ll encourage my clients who have trouble getting in touch with their feelings to bring in a rant and see how it feels to be heard in the midst of their struggle. But if a therapist isn’t helping you connect the dots or offering gentle nudges toward trying something different, you might leave sessions feeling stuck or aimless. Look for someone who’s both empathetic and proactive, ensuring each session moves you closer to where you want to be.

4. Are They Curious About Your World?

Therapy isn’t about getting definitive answers or life advice from a guru. It’s a collaborative process. A great therapist doesn’t impose their worldview on you or assume they have all the answers. Instead, they approach your experiences with curiosity and openness. 

Your therapist should ask thoughtful questions, seeking to understand your unique perspective. They’re not there to say, “Here’s what I think you should do,” but rather, “What matters most to you? How can we work together to align your life with your values and goals?” This approach ensures the therapy process remains focused on your needs, not your therapist’s agenda.

A natural antidote to anxiety is a posture of curiosity and openness. If your therapist does not demonstrate this in their approach, then you likely won’t be able to gain the ability for yourself. 

5. Do They Help You Get Out of Your Head?

Here’s a big one: If your therapist only asks, “What do you think about that?” without delving into how you feel or what your body might be telling you, it could be a red flag. Many of us spend so much time in our heads, overthinking and analyzing every situation. If logic alone could solve our problems, we probably would have figured it out by now.

Good therapy integrates more than just your thoughts. It’s about connecting with your emotions, exploring your body’s signals, and maybe even diving into dreams or creative expressions. A therapist might ask questions like, “What’s happening emotionally as we talk about this?” or “When you say this, your body seems to be communicating something different - could we get curious about that?” These approaches help unlock insights that pure logic can’t reach. By engaging your emotional and physical self, therapy becomes a holistic journey toward healing and self-awareness.

The Bottom Line

Finding the right therapist is a bit like dating: it takes time, patience, and a willingness to trust your instincts. Remember, therapy is a partnership. You’re not just hiring a professional; you’re building a relationship with someone who will walk alongside you through vulnerable moments.

Take your time, ask questions, and trust yourself to know when it feels right. And if you don’t find the perfect match on the first try, that’s okay. Keep looking. The right therapist for you is out there, and when you find them, the journey will be worth it.

Good luck out there.