Negative Memory Bias — The Importance of Sticking With the Good Stuff
The human brain is very powerful tool, and it’s number one priority is to keep you safe. In the name of keeping you secure, your brain will employ biases and mechanisms that may seem helpful in the short term, but ultimately cost us in the long term.
One of them is known as our Negative Memory Bias. This bias can often lead to a distorted view of our experiences and, if we’re not careful, living life more narrowly and with less joy. This post explores this bias, how it affects our lives, and what we can do to counteract it.
What is Negative Memory Bias?
Negative memory bias is the brain’s tendency to encode and prioritize negative experiences more quickly and with more strength than positive ones. This is a vital part of our evolutionary survival as a species. Those of our ancestors who noticed and remembered threats - where predators were lurking, what foods were poisonous, what kind of behaviour ends up getting you hurt or killed - they were more likely to survive and pass on their genes.
In our modern world, this bias continues to show up in how we process the world around us. Negative experiences, painful memories, or fear-inducing events only take a few seconds to form a strong neural connection and embed themselves in our memory. Positive experiences, on the other hand, require much more time and intentionality to take root. Research suggests it can take 15 to 100 times longer for positive memory to form as firmly as negative ones.
While this bias keeps us safe and generally increases our chances of survival, we want to be able to move beyond surviving and begin to focus on thriving. If this bias is left unchecked, it can lead to an unbalanced view of life, where our days and weeks feel dominated by challenges, disappointments, or fears - when the truth is likely that there is plenty of good happening as well.
Why Do We Often Feel So Negative?
The brain’s primary mission is safety and security. So long as you are awake, you brain is ever vigilent to potential threats - real or perceived. It is constantly taking those potential threats and elevating the associated stimuli to the forefront of your mind. And this awareness spans across time - past, present, and future. While this helps us respond quickly to danger, it also means that our brains are wired to revisit and replay negative memories and/or doomsday scenarios far more than positive or hopeful ones.
When you think about your day, how quickly does your mind jump to the things that you wish were going better? When you think about your career or work life, how fast would you notice the ways in which you aren’t where you want to be? Likely your mind will gravitate at any given to moment to that one awkward conversation, the moments of self-doubt, and the mistakes you constantly make, rather than remember the funny conversation you had with a friend, or the beautiful sunrise this morning. This disproportionate focus on negative events can make us feel like we’re perpetually surrounded by challenges, even when there’s much to celebrate and enjoy.
How Negative Memory Bias Impacts Our Lives
Over time, this bias can have significant consequences to our emotional, mental, and physical well-being:
Perception of Life: When negative memories dominate our mental space, we may feel like our lives are defined by struggles, even if they are balanced by good moments.
Self-Esteem: Our tendency to incessantly replay our own failures or shortcomings can lead to feeling of inadequacy, overshadowing our successes and strengths.
Relationships: We focus on the moments of conflict, tension, and missteps in relationships, which can lead to resentment over time - the proverbial rust of a relationship.
Motivation: The more down you feel on yourself, the more you will see yourself as an ineffective person who “can’t seem to get anything right”. When you see yourself in this light - you will feel the less motivated to rise to the occasion and fix what needs to change in your life.
Mental Health: Persistent focus on negativity can contribute to anxiety, depression, burnout, and general sense of hopelessness.
The good news is that, with practice, we can work to train our brains to counteract this negativity bias. And practicing only takes a few seconds at a time.
How to Counteract Negative Memory Bias
The key is not to get rid of this bias (you probably couldn’t if you wanted to!), but rather to shift your brain’s focus by intentionally savouring positive experiences. This doesn’t mean ignoring challenges or practicing toxic positivity (more on that later). It simply means giving the good moments in life the time and attention they deserve. In short - stick with the good stuff.
And when your brain swoops in to cut the good stuff short, mindfully bring your awareness back to the positive. Start small, and give your brain a bit time to form the neural connection. Even a few extra seconds can make a difference.
Here are a few practical strategies to play this out:
Small Ways to Cultivate Positivity
Savour Simple Moments: Pause to appreciate small pleasures like the warmth of your morning coffee, the sound of birds singing, or the colours of seasonal changes. Let these moments sink in.
Engage Your Senses: Notice and appreciate sensory details—like the texture of a soft blanket, the taste of a delicious meal, or the scent of a candle or bar of soap. Consider putting a bit of money into surrounding your living space with things that awaken your senses, and enjoy them fully when you notice them.
Practice Gratitude: At the start or end of your day, reflect on a few things that went well or brought you joy. Gratitude is directly correlated with increased life satisfaction and reduced depressive symptoms. Perhaps it will feel phony at first, but you might be surprised how many things come to mind when you intentionally practice.
Medium Ways to Practice Positivity
Move Your Body: Engage in physical activity like walking, dancing, yoga, weight lifting, Tai Chi, etc. Pay attention to how movement feels—your muscles working, your heart beating, and the rhythm of your breath.
Strengthen Connections: Share a laugh with a friend, hug a loved one, or send a thoughtful message. Or set up a future time to meet with someone you care about. Relationships are one of the most fulfilling parts of life, but we sometimes forget to experience the positive aspects of them with consistency.
Acknowledge Accomplishments: When you achieve a goal or finish a project (or even just one item on your to-do list), take a moment to feel pride or satisfaction. If you give your brain a moment to notice that there is some payoff for finishing your tasks, you will likely find greater enjoyment in your work and will be more easily motivated to accomplish more.
Big Ways to Foster Joy
Plan Joyful Experiences: Schedule activities that bring you happiness, whether it’s a creative “artist date,” a weekend getaway, or a visit to a museum or play. Commit to enjoying the experience as fully as possible.
Celebrate More Often: Honour birthdays, anniversaries, personal achievements, or just throw a party for no reason. The act of celebrating life with others is a lost art that we could stand to reclaim.
Create Space for Awe: Spend time in nature, attend a live performance, or explore a new place. Getting out of our routine and making room to be impressed or inspired can remind us of the beauty and wonder in life.
What About Toxic Positivity?
You may be thinking: “But what about when difficult, painful things happen? Am I just supposed to focus on good stuff and plaster a smile on my face even though I might be feeling terrible? I don’t want to be inauthentic and fake.”
I hear you! It’s very important to distinguish between healthy positivity and toxic positivity. Healthy positivity acknowledges life’s challenges while also appreciating what’s working. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, denies or minimizes pain, often masking problems that desperately need attention.
For example:
Toxic positivity might say, “Everything happens for a reason”, or “Don’t worry, just focus on the bright side” even in the face of loss or injustice.
Healthy positivity doesn’t deny the pain of life, but simply asks, “What’s good in my world right now?” without dismissing the reality of what is difficult.
Remember, the goal is not to make this an either/or dynamic between negativity and positivity, but simply to bring balance to our biased minds. We embrace joy and honesty, allowing us to live within the full scope of life.
Reclaiming Joy in Adulthood
In the brilliant Pixar movie “Inside Out 2”, the character of Joy speaks about the young girl whose brain the main characters live inside. Joy sadly wonders “Maybe this is what happens when you grow up…you feel less joy.” The painful sentiment may not often be said aloud, but it’s often how many adults feel deep down.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. While adult responsibilities are real, so are countless opportunities for joy, novelty, and inspiration.
Joy doesn’t require perfect circumstances or a hefty price tag. It can be found in the simplest moments—a shared laugh, a beautiful sunset, the sound of rain, the pleasure of a job well done. By training our brain to notice a savour these moments, we slowly undo the years of conditioning that being an adult is a joyless existence, and it teaches younger generations that a rich and fulfilling life is possible for those who choose to be intentional about joy.
Final Thoughts
Negative memory bias is a natural part of being human, but it doesn’t have to be the defining element of our experience. By intentionally practicing gratitude, savouring positive moments, and generally just sticking with the good stuff, we can retrain our brains to be more balanced.
This practice takes time and effort, but the reward is a greater sense of wholeness, well-being, and connection to the beauty that life holds. A few seconds here and there can become the catalyst for living a life full of greater joy and appreciation—no matter what challenges may come your way.